I'm Prebooking two Lifetimes in Pergatory

-Hi, this is Elder Christiensen of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!

-Hi. This is Kendell from the ward in Lankwitz. I'm a student here, and today I ate lunch with a kid who goes to my university. We were talking about the church and he said he met with the missionaries in Marzahn about a year ago for a couple of months. I challenged him to go back to church, and he says he's coming. He wants to meet with you after church this Sunday.

-That's great! What's his name?

-Karl. Karl-Heinz Schreiber.

-Great! we'll look for him.

The Sisters put me up to it. They explained that they would be teaching a lesson on Area Books at Zone Conference, and they wanted to spice things up and really drive the point home.

I'm on pretty good terms with the Sisters, mostly because the missionaries in our ward are the APs, and they don't need splits for most of their work. We rarely see them. However, I've been to a couple of really good appointments as a joint teach for the Sisters, and we have a good relationship.

-Hi, this is Elder Samuels of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!

-Hallo, zees is Lothar, ees Elder Charles zere?

-No, he actually doesn't live here any more. Can I help you?

-I uzzed to meet wees Elder Charles until I moved to Yazkakistan. While I was living in Yazkakistan, I realized zat ze Book of Mormon ees true. I am just moving home, and want to learn more about ze church. Can I meet wees you on Sunday at Church?

-Of course! That would be great.

-See you on Sunday!

As a preparation for their zone conference lesson, the Sisters told me they were going to have members call the missionaries and pretend to be old investigators who should be in their area book. According to the Sisters, when they look in their area book and can't find information about the caller, they will realize how important it is to keep a good area book. Their lesson the next day on area books would be a hit.

Their lesson was today, Thursday. On Wednesday evening, I was called and given the numbers of six sets of Elders to call... There are eight sets of Elders in the zone, but the APs and the Elders at the institute know my voice and have my number. Evidently the Sisters hadn't found anyone else to help them out. So I called all six sets of Elders.

They called me during the Bayern-Manchester soccer game on Wednesday at 10:15 to confirm that they had all been called. I told them that I had called all of them, except for the Elders in Brandenburg. I thought it was too late to call them. "Well, I don't think it's too late. Just give them a call really quick."

So I called Brandenburg.

-Kirche Jesu Christi der Heiligen der Letzten Tage, hier ist Elder Märki!

-Hi, this is Kendell. I met a kid at school today who says he met with you for about 6 months. He hasn't been to church, but he told me he'd come this week. You should meet with him. I don't have his contact information, but his name is Arvid Stanke. He should be in your area book.

-Wait... wait... that was too fast. What you say?


Elder Märki sounded like he was from Switzerland. I explained the story one more time in German for him. Disappointed, he said that they weren't going to be at church on Sunday. They take care of two small branches, Brandenburg and Leest (commonly known even to members as the heckhole area of the mission), and that they weren't going to be in Brandenburg that week. However, he informed me that he would make sure that a member looked out for him.

Instead of ending the conversation quickly, he seemed to want to chat. At 10:30. He asked what I was doing here, where I was from, how long I had been speaking German, and how Lankwitz was. I chatted for a little while, but had to end the phone call because I knew it was late for him, and Bayern had just scored a goal, bringing the score to 3-2 Manchester (even though Bayern was trailing in points, they had somehow advanced to the semi-finals of the champions league as a result of the goal.. don't ask me how that works).

Tonight at Institute, I was surprised that the Sisters didn't approach me to thank me for my help. I mean it wasn't easy to compromise my honesty for an object lesson, and to do it six times in different ways so that the Elders wouldn't suspect anything during the evening phone calls.

So I sat down by them and asked them how their lesson went this morning. They said it went really well, and thanked me for my help.

"But we have some bad news for you."

My heart dropped.

"This morning, the Elders from Brandenburg gave the opening spiritual thought. A greenie who can hardly speak German is serving there with a Swiss companion, and they're working really hard but not seeing a lot of success. For their spiritual thought, they shared a scripture that promised success after much persistence and recounted a miracle referral from a member from another city. We couldn't bear to break their hearts, so we didn't tell them."

I usually try not to be upset with the Sisters. Even when they drag me out of bed at 6 to get to an early appointment that ends up falling through, or when they make fun of me because I can't remember details from my mission, I try to take it in stride. However, at this point, I wasn't sure how to feel. I mean, I had given these Elders my phone number and told them my name as a point of reference.

They tried to console me by telling me that they had already talked to the Mission President, and he thought their idea was good. President told them just not to tell the Brandenburg Elders that it was an object lesson yet.

Trying to console me, one Sister said, "But we didn't tell President it was you."

Thanks.

Anyway, I'm not sure what to do now.

I've considered trying to call all six sets of Elders up and to tell them it was a late April Fools joke.

Jordan says I should call them up and tell them that it was just a reminder that "things like this can happen" but that it was actually just a practice.

Whatever the case, I'm in deep doo doo.

My only reconciliation comes in the fact that I'm flying to London tomorrow night and turning off my cell phone while I'm there to avoid roaming charges.

If my plane crashes, tell the Elders that I'm on the other side, trying my hardest to make up for my blunder before the final judgement.